“The path that leads us away from you and brings us back again is not measured by footsteps or milestones. The prodigal son of the Scriptures went to live in a distant land to waste in dissipation all the wealth which his father had given him when he set out. But, to reach that land, he did not hire horses, carriages, or ships; he did not take to the air on real wings or set one foot before the other. For you were the father who gave him riches. You loved him when he set out and you loved him still more when he came home without a penny. But he set his heart on pleasure and his soul was blinded, and this blindness was the measure of the distance he traveled away from you, so that he could not see your face.” — Augustine
It begins with a slight shift of our gaze. Some other affection has caught our attention. We twirl it around for a bit and let it begin to shape us. Forgetting to trust in the Lord, it isn’t long before we lean wholly onto our own understanding(Prov 3:5). Our ideas, our strategies, our justified and rationalized sin-but-not-quite-sin. Filling ourselves with us, we don’t realize we’ve taken a step off the narrow path.
Turning inward, we turn away. Away from the restorers God places in our lives as his means of rescue and grace. And away from the Father who loves us most in the deep darkness we’re in. When alone in the dark, whose voice do you hear the most?
Blind without him, we harden. Our hearts grow callused. Stony. The flesh that once was is no longer and we cannot see the desperate and holy need for repentance. God’s kindness seems too far gone. And so, like the wicked, we do not cry, “What have I done?”(Jer 8:6) Instead, we heap oppression upon oppression, and deceit upon deceit (Jer 9:6) onto ourselves and onto others. We cast accusation and blame. Justice is far from us, and righteousness does not overtake us; we hope for light, and behold, darkness, and for brightness, but we walk in gloom (Isaiah 59:9 ). We call evil good and good evil, we put darkness for light and light for darkness. We are wise in our own eyes, and shrewd in our own sight (Isaiah 5:20-21) The truth we know is distorted now because the light that once revealed our sin no more reaches us in this pit. We’ve made ourselves untouchable.
Is blindness the beginning of wickedness?
We turn away from our Protector and Provider.
We are blinded and do not see his face or his heart.
We set our hearts on our own pleasures.
We see what is right in our own eyes.
We allow our hearts to harden.
We blame and scapegoat.
We do not receive his helpers
We are unconvicted by his truth.
We cannot repent.
We’ve made ourselves into a different kind of god.
Soften your heart to His
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts (Hebrews 3:8) and if you cannot hear his voice, consider whose you’re listening to. Is it the voice of your Shepherd? Or the one of the thief? The thief comes to steal and kill and destroy(John 10:10); as accuser and deceiver (Rev 12:9-10). When you hear the narrative run through your mind, is it riddled with accusations and lies? Or is righteousness and holiness laced throughout? Does your tongue taste of gospel and grace?
As Augustine said, blindness is the measure of the distance travelled away from our Father. But I am sure that Love is the measure of the distance he’ll come to rescue us (John 3:16). Turn your face, beloved, to your merciful, gracious, forgiving Father. Turn your face toward his helpers who come to help lead you back to him. His arms are wide-open to receive you.