I did it. Just now. And I am freaking out a little bit. I mean, how will they take it? What if I want to take it back? Will they still be there? How are they going to respond?
I thought all of those thoughts and then I think I heard Him whisper (I mean, I don’t really know if it’s Him, I’ve never really paid attention to whispering, but it doesn’t sound like anything I would say…obviously, especially if you compared it to above —>) Does it matter, Christie?
I suppose part of letting it all go is to see what will come out of it. I can’t help but feel a little bit of heartbreak. I know that it’s going to be so much easier, so easy to breath and so easy to go to bed at night. It’s going to be so easy to not have to answer emails all the time and so easy to tell them, YES! I will go with you to your room to play pretend with all your stuffed animals and YES! I will go on a bike ride and not after this last email or phone call, but right now!
Something I have learned about myself, is that as humble as I think I am, there’s still that part of me that wants to be better than, thought of more, spoken more highly of. That part of me that is going to struggle not to maintain. And yet, even as I type those things in my heart of hearts, I know that it’s nothing if not for God. The status, the name recognition. He did that, not me. When I sit back and realize that this, all of this, all of this weight that I have carried over my shoulders and on my back and the weight I’ve dragged around behind me isn’t freeing and isn’t what I’m meant for, it lifts from me.
So, yeah! I did it. And it may not be the right thing to do and it may mean that if I ever go back that I have to struggle and work harder. But, it may mean that I am just freed up to see and do what matters more. And maybe that means something bigger, maybe it means something smaller. But I’m really liking the idea of not worrying about it.
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gifts 106 -114
freedom to choose
pumpkin spice lattes
warm and cozy boots
finishing long and drawn out projects
being
lunch dates
barbecue
tailgating fun
video