How do you find yourself when you find yourself in a quarrel? How do you engage when met with opposition? When you’re faced with someone who doesn’t agree with you, what are you inclined to do? When your kingdom is threatened, how do you react? Do you feel the friction and begin to puff up? Do you leverage your strengths and immediately begin to defend? Do you become hostile? Do you shut down or run? Do you throw around criticism and complaints? Do you become cold and distant? What are the weapons of your warfare?
As those under the Lordship of Jesus, we must look to Scripture to inform every disagreement, conflict, and argument. If instead, we bend first to knowledge, doctrine, books, blogs, logic, etc., we will find that we are coming to every tension submitted to some other authority. We will fight a war of the flesh with weapons of the flesh. If our battle is against and in the flesh, we will never fight on spiritual ground. We will misalign, misinterpret, and misuse Scripture as a weapon to protect and defend our personal kingdoms and perceived needs. If disagreements, conflicts, and arguments contain blame-shifting, name-calling, and finger-pointing, we have a sure indicator that we are walking in the flesh and not in the Spirit.
What is My Authority?
If, as sons and daughters of the Most High God, we say that Scripture is authoritative and inerrant—that God’s word provides all wisdom and truth—we must bring it into the most difficult relational tensions and insist that it is the primary framework for communication and relationship. We must submit to the word and allow it to form and shape every conversation. We must allow Scripture to disarm us and counsel us. We must be willing to see the ways we’ve been wrong in our approach toward people. We cannot come from a position of pride, proving, or pointing but from a posture of humility. We must be willing to listen and consider how we might be wrong, even when we think we are right. If we do not allow this to be the way of our heart, we do not pursue restoration but only drive further destruction.
Know the Word
Of course, this means that as believers and followers of our Lord Jesus, we must know Scripture. We must know it not just as a tool, not just as a way to communicate doctrine and theology. Yes, we must memorize passages, we must understand the context. But, more than that, we must know it deep in our hearts. We must abide in the word and allow it to abide in our hearts and souls. We need to trust it as the counsel God gives us; his very heart speaking specifically and intentionally to our hearts. His heart moving in and through our hearts toward the brokenness around us. To demolish strongholds and arguments and every lofty opinion that opposes the knowledge of God (2 Corinthians 10:5), we must know, believe, and be formed by God’s counsel to us through his word.
If your weapons of warfare are in the flesh (defending your own personal kingdom), you will only see the sister or brother in front of you as your enemy. You will not allow your heart to be shaped by humility, patience, compassion, or love. Instead, you will set yourself up as an enemy of God, even as you seek to bring justice and truth.
How Do I War Well?
Walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh (Galatians 5:16). If the Spirit of God dwells in you, you are not in the flesh (Romans 9:9). Though you walk in the flesh, you don’t wage war according to it (2 Corinthians 10:3). You count others more significant than yourself, doing nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit. Look to the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4). Inspect the log in your own eye (Matthew 7:3-5) before hurling accusations at others (John 8:7). Don’t count the wrongs of others (1 Corinthians 13:6). Remember that your Christ, when reviled, did not revile in return (1 Peter 2:22-24). Be patient and kind; do not envy or boast. Be not arrogant nor rude. Don’t insist on your own way. Refrain from being irritable or resentful. Keep yourself from rejoicing at wrongdoing but rejoice with the truth. Remember that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
Remember, you don’t have to be sucked into war under alternative rules of engagement. The Lord has provided you a way out of controversy. Let his word be the final word. Let his word be the word that shapes your conversations. Let his word form your heart towards others. Submit to the authority of Scripture—not to win the war—but to restore yourself and others to the Lord.
Questions for Reflection
- In my last disagreement, conflict, or argument did I use weapons of the flesh to prove my point or win?
- Do I submit myself to the Word of God daily and allow it to shape and form how I love and fight with people?
- In the middle of conflict, do I count the interests of others more significant?
- Am I humble enough to consider how my heart is wrong in my approach to disagreements, conflicts, and arguments?
- What must I change when it comes to the way I approach disagreements, conflicts, and arguments?
- Is my approach in disagreements, conflicts, and arguments more framed by knowledge, doctrine, books, blogs, logic, etc. than by the God-breathed counsel of his word?